Part Two of the Salty Dog Trilogy: Frank Turner

Frank Turner

or

Come on folks and try this at home

featuring 

Fuck Art Let's Dance by To ØL

You will like if:

 You enjoy dry finishes

You aren't scared of a bit of acidic tartness

You remember the four simple words

You will not like if:

There seems to be a recurring theme lately, but you don't enjoy funky beer

Gooseberries just sounds absurd to you

You think music is clearly defined and totally structured and that is final

I grew up listening to punk rock and heavy metal. Pennywise, Bad Religion, NOFX, Face to Face, Hatebreed, Unearth, Grimlock. I thought music, for many years, was meant to lead revolution. To rebel and to be angry, to fight for what you believed in. To bond through blood and sweat and rage. Yeah I was that guy. 

I still enjoy these things. Don't let the collars on my work shirts fool you, I'm still very much punk. It defined younger me into the person I am today. My workout playlist is nothing but rage-filled metalcore. But no band or artist or musician had actually made me feel until I discovered Frank Turner. 

This will sound silly, but I remember the night his music changed my outlook on music. It was November, and I was driving home from downtown after meeting some friends at a bar. I was listening to the radio and, after I think eleven o'clock back then, they switched to a request punk rock station. You know where listeners from all over call in to leave a recorded request message. Anyway, I heard "Frank Turner, Photosynthesis." 

That's weird, I thought. I had never heard that name. A light acoustic guitar started strumming. I very nearly turned the channel. 

And this came on:

A rush, warm and electric, just arced through me. What was this? I mused to myself. I later discovered it was musical-induced feelings.  When I got home I scoured youtube and listened to everything on there, watched every video. I downloaded every song I could find. 

I called to my wife; "I found our new favorite musician."

He opens nearly every show with this:

And he gets the entire venue singing with this:

I could go on, but I won't. Part of the fun is discovery. Every song was mix of lyrical mastery and anger and sorrow and camaraderie. Every show is about singing and dancing with friends, celebrating life. All pretentiousness about music is stripped away, reinforced when he gets up and plays looking like this:

That's just him and a guitar and a Hawaiian shirt. And he owned the place. About midway through his set he said something very profound that I will never forget. We were on a ship in the middle of the ocean, and it felt like we were drinking with "our good friend Frank." Surrounded by some of the best celtic punk bands in the world. I, along with very surely every person in that venue, was a veteran of hundreds of punk shows and years of carefully accumulating my music library. And I will be the first to admit that I have, in the past, shaken my head at so-called radio punk. 

Anyway, he told the crowd that he was considered, among critics, to be a gateway musician. That is to say, a musician to start your punk journey with. And that's kind of true. I'd consider him folk punk, but he's very mild in that regard compared to more "traditional" punk rock bands. And he said he was fine with that, because you know what?

Who fuckin' cares? 

Whatever bands or music that got you into the scene or music, raise a glass to them. On that ship we were all friends. No seriously. Literally everywhere we went, we made friends. We danced, we sang, we drank with strangers, but for those nights, we were friends. Old guys with long gray beards, young couples, groups of friends from other countries. It didn't matter, for those three days and nights, we were friends. And that meant something. 

So he shared his own gateway band experience: Blink 182, a band that more or less defined my 8th grade year. We all kind of laughed, because I mean it was Blink 182. Everybody liked Blink, but everybody kind of moved on long ago.

And Frank went on to play an acoustic, slowed-down version of Dammit. And I'm telling you right now, with a mixture of beer and new friends and the setting and nostalgia of my middle school music awakening and just the entire experience, it was one of the best live performances I've ever seen. 

And I've seen GWAR live.

Which brings us to the beer. 

Inspired by this song:

I could think of no better beer than this:

Fuck Art Let's Dance. A good deal of Frank Turner's performances and music deal with the bullshit of music, how it's often held in such high regard, by both fans and musicians themselves, that it becomes ridiculous. It's just people with instruments, nothing more. Nothing to be worshiped. It's just music. And so that's why I chose this beer. 

It starts off tart and acidic, the kind that hits you under your tongue. Fruity, like maybe apples and pears? But then it hits you with a slow fruit funk. I'm not sure what gooseberries are, but I imagine that's the flavor. And then it hits you with a dry finish. 

I mean I love funky and sour beers. The funkier the better. So naturally I loved it. But I did some research on the brewery. To ØL Brewing, based out of Copenhagen Denmark. They call themselves a gypsy brewery, and I was delighted to discover they had no brewery at all. They brew everything on contract, traveling from brewery to brewery to craft their brews. Like traveling nomads and gypsies. 

And I thought that was just perfect. 

Salty Dog 2016: Part one of the Salty Dog Trilogy

Sail away where no ball and chain

Can keep us from the roarin' waves

Together undivided but forever we'll be free

So sail away aboard our rig

The moon is full and so are we

Seven drunken pirates we're the seven deadly sins

Hoo boy, settle in and get ready for the 

Salty Dog Adventure

or

The best damn three days ever

Where to even begin? Just check out this lineup:

I don't even know how to start. Three days of celtic punk, on a ship. With unlimited food and booze. In what used to be pirate-infested waters. Pirates! Beer! Punk! The only thing that could have made it any better was Sid Meier's Pirates Gold.

This game really buckled my swashes. I'm also going to use this joke at least three more times.

Okay, deep breath. 

I'll start small. Let's meet Beans on Toast:

Few musicians or bands can get me to smile the instant I put them on. Beans on Toast happens to be one. Just give it a listen. Check out a few of them. It's just him in a ratty hat and sandals with a guitar, singing catchy folk tunes of happiness and love with a hint of revolution and a healthy dose of "pull your heads out of your asses." If I had to sum him up in a single image, it would be: 

Seriously, just listen:

We saw him after visiting Nassau (more on that later) which has an extensive history in piracy, and now includes a pirate tour museum. So he gets on stage with the following story (just picture like a heavy blue collar English accent)

"Did you know that pirates never made anybody walk the plank? Some bloke just made that up. And they also didn't bury any treasure. Which means I spent all fuckin' morning digging up the beach for nuffin'"

I was about six beers in so I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. 

I actually had to search a bit to pair a beer with Beans on Toast. I was leaning to a full English style, one you'd drink in a pub over a good conversation. But I decided to go with Crustless from Ursula:

A peanut butter and jelly porter. I've been kind of half-heartedly researching a peanut butter and jelly recipe off and on for about a year now, and renewed my research after my somewhat successful peanut butter porter. But the jelly and bread, one might say integral parts of the sandwich, always threw me off. Would I go for a roasty, bready porter? A malty ESB base? And what about the jelly? Fruit is hard to balance without overpowering the other flavors. 

Ursula pulled it off. It poured with no head or lacing whatsoever, which worried me at first. But then I smelled it, and it smelled like a damned sandwich. 

Can you guess what it tasted like? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich. There's no other way to describe it. It had creamy peanut butter, a swirl of (grape?) jelly flavor all washed down with a roasty, crusty bready porter backbone. 

It was simple, based on a simple sandwich. But it worked. And so I can think of nothing I'd like to pair better with Beans on Toast than the Crustless Porter. I mean, watch this:

And tell me that's not a peanut butter jelly sandwich in music form. No way that man doesn't enjoy a good pbj. 

South Denver Beer Fest

First off, it was raining and freezing cold. And here was the line to get into the park:

Why was there only one guy checking tickets?

I was on assignment for Brew Table as a special agent. At least that's what I told myself. In reality my beer buddy wanted someone to get him some pictures and beer reviews. And that I did. Let's begin.

I'm going to be focusing on the standouts. So we'll start with Juicy Bits from Weldwerks in Greeley. At first I was going to try it based solely on the fact that the name made me giggle. 

A fairly standard IPA, but with a solid malty backbone. 

Agamemnon British IPA caught my attention next, I suppose because I was in a hoppy mood. 

Mostly I wanted to show off my beard.

Another solid IPA with a malty backbone. I pondered the direction my tastes were taking me on that day and moved on to Copper Kettle, a brewery I was very familiar with. I tried to stay off the beaten path and try new things, but their Mexican Stout is just too good to stay away. During one brewfest (who can remember which one) one of the brewers told me they were more than just the Mexican Stout brewery. 

"That's nice," I replied. "Go ahead and pour me a Mexican Stout."

Absolutely delicious, as usual. Rich, roasty, chocolate and cinnamon with a slow burning heat that bites you right in the back of the mouth. Thanks Mexican Stout brewery. To even it out, I also tried their Berliner Weisse.

Which was, unsurprisingly, fantastic. I mean, if you can make a Mexican Stout like that, you can do just about anything. 

The runner-up for my best showing of the day had to be Loveland Aleworks. This is gonna be a big one, so strap in. 

It was so good I almost forgot to take a picture.

Let's start with the Chocolate Coconut Porter called Darkest Day. Which I felt was appropriate for the weather. Oh man, this was a solid showing. Smooth chocolate with a hint of creamy coconut and a stronger coconut nose. This was a rainy-day drinker. I wanted to just post up here and let it ride, but the wife wanted to try the next few, and I'm glad I did. 

Her: "Change up your pictures. Your hand is boring."
Me: "You got it."

I have a weakness for anything Belgian-style, and then you add in "aged in red wine barrels?" Sold, good sir. The Belgian yeast flavor wasn't as strong as I'd have liked, but the wine barrel gave it that chewy wood feel that I so love with a fruity backbone. 

"Ooo," I heard my wife mutter. I stopped enjoying my Belgian Tripel to look behind me and saw this:

Pecan pie beer, whaaaat? I had to give it a go. I love experimental beers, so I was sure I would like this one. And sure enough, I was right. I don't know how else to describe it other than it tasted like pecan pie. Well done, Blue Spruce Brewing. 

Now, chili beers are tricky. Most folks instantly turn away from them, but I absolutely adore chili beers. I make one myself, a serrano wheat in fact. So I gasped when I saw:

And it was fantastic. In fact, I can honestly say it tasted almost identical to mine. Is that braggy? It sounds braggy. I'm keeping it though. 

Last up is Destihl. And even though it was physically last on our rotation, it was fortuitous that they had the three best beers in the festival. 

They all sounded delightful, so I camped out there for a bit to work down the line. And first up was Here GOSE Nothin', a Leipzig style gose. 

I don't know the difference between a Leipzig gose or otherwise, but what I do know is that this was one of the tartest, saltiest gose's I've ever had. It was almost like seawater. Which sounds weird to describe a beer like that, but just go with me on this. I try gose every time I see one on tap, and this is probably the most unique one I've ever had. 

I smacked my lips and eagerly awaited my pour of their Flanders Red. 

That's the surprised look of "Holy cow this is sour."

I could smell the tartness before I even brought it to my nose. Nothing could have prepared me. Well, one thing. It tasted like one of those sour warhead candies. Like tastebud melting sour. The most sour beer I've ever had was from Crooked Stave, and this might have topped it. 

You don't often ask to wash your mouth out with a citrus IPA, but there we were:

I'm pretty sure the fill-line was about where my thumb was.

Yep, just look at it. You can tell it's a citrus flavorbomb just by the golden haze. Fruity, but not overpoweringly so. Most of the fruit came from the nose, which was full of citrus. 

So there you have it. My personal recommendations, backed by the Hop To No Good guarantee, which is I know you'll like it, but if you don't I'll be happy to drink it for you. 

 

How can I pair a beer with a kid-friendly pop group?

Ska Eleventh Kiwi Saison

or 

Unicorns are real! Because because I believe it!

You will like if:

You go in for a mixer pack, see a bright green bottle and go, "Hmm, why not?"

You think fruit should be drunk

You like awesome rainbows!

You will not like if:

You aren't into fruity, light, effervescent, delightful, silly, tart, (you get the point)

You like fruit beers, but only if its wheat

You hear some of those songs down below there and immediately close your browser

This was a tough one. First the beer. Ska Eleventh Kiwi Saison:

Let's get this out of the way. I had a heck of a time pairing a beer with Koo Koo Kangaroo. But then I went with imagery:

Kiwi tank top. And just listen to a few songs below, tell me it doesn't sound like the musical representation of a kiwi fruit. Right?!

So this kiwi saison. Just a hint of foam and lacing, with a hazy hay green pour. It tasted of spring and trademark saison spice with citrus. The kiwi comes at the very end and kind of bounces over everything. 

And there you have it, boom! Paired with Koo Koo Kangaroo. 

Who?

Koo Koo Kangaroo. I can't tell if they started writing songs in elementary gym class together, but it sure sounds like it. Are they punk? Well, hear for yourself:

Not really, eh? But they play at the Warped Tour, and opened for Skinny Lister and Frank Turner. Are they kids songs? Kind of. They play in elementary schools fairly frequently. Family friendly? Deffo. Weird? Zany? I mean, just look at that video. Fun?

You better believe it. 

Oddly enough, seeing them live in the tiny Marquis Theater was one of the most fun shows I've ever been to. I danced the Dinosaur song. I took the Unicorn Pledge. I laughed, I sang. I can't describe it, because I know you will see that video, click on a few more and go, "I don't get it."

You don't need to. It's funky, tart and delightful. I don't get it myself. It's just fun. 

Oh, they also end their shows with a parachute. You know, those big colored parachutes you had in gym class. Delightful.

To end, as a thanks for reading, I say:

Stammtisch!

Hogshead Brewery

or 

Order a proper fuckin' pint

You will like if:

You like cask-conditioned ales

You like the maltiness of traditional English beer

You enjoy meeting at a pub where there's a beer waiting for you when you walk in

You will not like if:

You think beer needs to be served at 32 degrees

You only drink wild or fruity beers

You expect a sample flight

Just look at it.

So we decided we needed a neighborhood pub to meet at after work. Someplace near us, preferably small and somewhat cozy. Hogshead, we decided, fit the bill. Built out of an old gas station, Hogshead brews cask ales and traditional English beers. Cask ale is allowed to naturally condition and carbonate and filter itself with the yeast, which is then served with a hand pumped beer engine. Cask beer is served a bit warmer and with less carbonation than keg beer, which gives it a delightfully smooth body.

We called it our Stammtisch, which Google tells me is a German word that means "regulars table," was our Friday night thing. I know the discomfort of using a German word and tradition with an English brewhouse, but bear with me. A Stammtisch is not, I've been told, when you call up your buddies and plan to meet up for a pint. Rather, it's when you can go to a place without calling anybody and know that your crew will be there. No plans, no confirmations, just there it is. And while we can't make it every Friday, we make enough. There's usually a beer waiting for us when we arrive. 

Which is a great feeling.

Cozy.

That picture up top there is a cask-conditioned Chin Wag, their ESB. Malty, creamy, slightly bready like toasted bread pudding and easy enough to drink in any weather. 

Now look at this. That's right, you can't see it but I drink from Mug number one.

While they brew a good stable of regular beers and have a few rotators of differing styles, this beer is like home. The Gilpin porter. I think any English style brewery worth its salt needs a solid porter, and Hogshead does not disappoint. This is my starting and ending beer. Roasty, bitter and creamy out of the cask or tap. Again, easy enough to drink in any weather. 

Here's the thing with Hogshead. They like cask ale. They like traditional beer. You can see their brewery equipment so why would you need a tour? They don't do flights, they don't do crazy funky or fruity beers, and Odin help you if you think a brewery needs loud pop music, handlebar mustaches and pastel short shorts. The biggest complaint on Yelp, if you like that sort of thing, is that the bartenders and brewers seem disinterested in talking beer and focus on their regulars. 

Which, eh, I'm not sure is true. If you want to know about what makes cask ale different, they'll love to show you. They like their regulars, which I guess includes me, because we appreciate what they do. It's not that they don't like new customers, it's just cask ale needs the proper care and attention to pour. 

Just don't overthink it. Walk in, choose a size (I recommend the 20 ounce British pint) and enjoy your proper fuckin' pint. 

2016 Trade Deadline

Stone Enjoy After 12-26-15

or

Out with the old. Goodbye Tanguay, we will miss you.

You will like if:

 the word "brettanomyces" gives you a warm fuzzy

The descriptors "musty" and "farm barrel cobweb" sound delicious

You like keeping things from your past, but also like setting them free

You will not like if:

Hops taste like soap to you (what is wrong with you why are you even reading this?)

Barrel mildew sounds like a disgusting way to describe beer

You can't wait for your beer, it must be enjoyed right now

So last year, at the trade deadline, I cracked open a Stone Enjoy After and saved a second bottle to see how it had aged. Which is weird for me, as beer usually doesn't last long in my house. But I keep my "cellar" in the cabinet above my fridge, which is exceedingly difficult to get to without effort. So I tucked it away. 

Last year, the team traded for Caron from the Bruins. I was optimistic, because he seemed like a player who enjoyed getting the garbage goals from the dirty areas in front of the net. 

Ha! Boy was I wrong. He literally lasted like a dozen games and I have no idea where he is now. I won't even google it. 

Fast forward to today, a new season and a new beer. Let's see what I wrote a year ago: The beer itself is fairly tame. The hops aren't overpowering, and it has a mellow finish with a slight spice.

Interesting.

The aged beer has exploded in a festival of bitter hops and funkiness. I was admiring the cork, what with the Stone gargoyle imprinted on the top, as I opened it. But I'm glad I wasn't inspecting too intently, as the cork shot off the bottle with such force I very nearly lost an eye. Which would've meant I'd have to wear an eyepatch, which is awesome and piratey, but would ruin any chance of me becoming a master marksman archer.

I poured the beer. Or tried to, at least. As you can hopefully see from the picture, it was ferocious. I had to let it sit for about twenty minutes before I could even pour enough to try. 

And oh my goodness what a year has done for this beer. A year ago I described it as a fairly tame, weak IPA with a hint of funk. Now the bitter is nearly overwhelming, and it smells like it has been sitting in a cobwebbed barrel in the back of a barn directly beneath a leaky roof in the rain.

Radical Funktastic

Let's get back to hockey. It actually wasn't bad. Gelinas in. Look, I know he's not great defensively. Which is weird to say about a defenseman. But we have Beauchemin, Johnson. Zadorov and Bigras in a year or two to hang back and play defense. We got brought in Gelinas because of this:

The kid has an absolute rocket laser from the point. Barrie can pass and has a wicked wrister, but dang. Look at that shot. I'm okay with that. 

Trade two saw us give up Bleakley (hurts, but he was only ever going to play 3rd line, which we have in spades), Wood (a solid prospect, huge but still raw with lots of potential) and sadly Tanguay. In return we got Boedker.

Look, it hurts losing Tanguay. Bleakley and Wood, yeah losing prospects always hurts and is a gamble. But Tangs, man, that man is a Colorado legend. Still, he was playing like a shell of his former self. Boedker is young, he's fast, and he likes to shoot. Three things Tangs was not. Boedker will fit in nicely with both Duchene and Mackinnon, and will actually be able to keep up with them. I'm actually ecstatic about this trade, and I hope we can re-sign him in the offseason. 

So there it is. New beer, old beer changing, new players, old players changing. 

This season has been a disaster for Colorado, and I firmly believe we will never be legit contenders with Roy leading the bench. I hope I'm wrong, but that's what I see. But the roster looks fantastic in a few years. 

Rantanen - Duchene - Boedker

Landeskog - Mackinnon - Grigorenko

Matthias - Soderberg - Iginla

McLeod - Mitchell - Skille

Johnson - Beauchemin

Barrie - Bigras

Gelinas - Zadorov

Not bad. Paper rosters don't mean much, but I mean, that's a solid lineup. 

We'll see. Good luck Tanguay. 

Best of the Best

Modus Mandarina

or 

These are a few of my favorite things

You will like if:

You like IPA's

You like IPA's with a hint of citrus

You like IPA's with a hint of citrus that happens to be orange flavored

You will not like if:

I guess if you don't like IPA's

Or citrus

Or citrus IPA's

This is an easy one, plain and simple.

Orange in color, hoppy and citrusy in flavor.

Modus Mandarina takes Ska's flagship Modus Hoperandi and adds a bit of flavor. It's light, it's refreshing, and it's delicious.

Bam.

(Mic Drop)


Jason's Year End Best of the Best List:

Best movie and new reigning champion for best movie in the history of movies - Mad Max Fury Road
Best brewery I visited for the first time - Big Choice
Favorite pub to grab a pint on a Friday - Hogshead, 3 years running
Best bar to get your fancy pants on and enjoy an overpriced drink - Arvada Tavern
Best vacation spot - Lake Granby
Best beer - Modus Mandarina by Ska
Best show - Jessica Jones
Best show that isn't new that I started watching - Peaky Blinders
Best concert - Koo Koo Kangaroo
Best band I discovered - Skinny Lister
Favorite hockey player - Max Domi
Favorite video game - This is a tough one, but Assassin's Creed Syndicate
Video game runners up - Fallout 4 and Tales from the Borderlands
Best co-op game - Payday 2
Winner of his tenth straight Stanley Cup on NHL 14 for the xbox360 - Me
Celebrity death that hit me the hardest - Terry Pratchett
Best book I read this year - Republic of Thieves by Scott Lynch
Best single movie moment - This is from Star Wars and is a huge spoiler, so scroll down if you want to see it. If you haven't seen the movie, stop now and have a happy new year!
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- When Kylo is trying to Force grab the lightsaber out of the snow, and it flies past him right to Rey and she lights it up and the music just swells. Man, gave me chills.